Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v The Glanton Gang

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v THE GLANTON GANG…

“There is no finish line. When you reach one goal, find a new one.” – Chuck Norris (not dead; sleeping.)

Miguel Freckleton of St Mirren challenges for a header during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

VINDALOO – 6/10 – As quiet as a Zombie at a ‘Shout if you’re not a redact’ contest. For all the opposition’s possession he remained confident, safe of hands, and loudly in communication with his backline.

Jonah Ayunga of St Mirren battles with Anthony Ralston of Celtic during the William Hill Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

TONY THE TIGER – 6.5/10 – None shall pass. The Brickie dumfounds the online virgins once more with a classically committed 90 minutes. Remains the difference between those who understand the actual mental and physical demands of being a perennial part of title-winning Celtic squads, and those who think it’s all hypothesis. Tony is a manger’s dream – a Celtic fan who plays selflessly for the jersey when called upon, without demand, complaint or ego. Titles are won with the input and presence of players like him who are the psychological spine of the squad. ‘Journeymen’ whose contribution defies pretence and conceit. And if you can’t grasp his worth on days like yesterday when injuries dictate choices, then go do one, and that’s not meant politely.

Killian Phillips of St Mirren battles with Kieran Tierney of Celtic during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

KATIE – 6.5/10 – Great powerhousing for the opening spell, bombing the wing, getting behind them and providing some service. You know he’s going to fade, but kudos for lasting the 90 and providing beneficial experience to hold the fort late on.

Liam Scales of Celtic challenges for a header during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

OF JUSTICE – 6.5/10 – Days like today, with a gulp, you look to the defence as you realise the midfeld and frontline have powder-puffed it and the reliance is going to fall on a last line who will decide the fate of our ongoing participation in this title scrap. And marshalling them was the Ginger Baresi. Like Tony, a favourite victim of the gurning entitled. Why? Dear knows – the probability balance of his performance ratios to date has been overly positive; that equals consistency, kids – a tendency to over-perform and stay above mean reversion when more lapses could be reasonably expected. But Liam has built his Celtic career on excelling against expectation. From the moment he took the jersey by default. And then kept it because of days like these; when a precious victory can be navigated quietly and securely by precise and cautious defensive dilligence.

Auston Trusty of Celtic warms up ahead of kick off during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 6.5/10 – Like his cohort, put in a focussed and solid afternoon. Handled the physical threats they possess pretty well; won the most vital of contests that helped stifle their ambitions. Nice Pirlo tribute early on with the searching pass of the day.

Callum McGregor of Celtic warms up ahead of kick off during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

CALMAC – 5.5/10 – Damn, the skipper’s only functioning at some 60-70%. Meaning we get dominant Calmac for an opening half then toiling Calmac as the opposition get a second wind and he doesn’t. Hopefully the return of Engels will alleviate some pressure on his current physical capability. His sharpness will decide our fate.

WATCH Callum McGregor and Alex Oxlade Chamberlain’s post match interview with Celtic TV below…

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain scores Celtic’s opening goal during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain celebrates Celtic’s opening goal of the game during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

NEVILLE – 7/10 MOTM – Had to give it to The Ox – a moment of class in a swamp of frustrating ineptitude. All that top-level experience in a flash of composure and ruthlessness as he dispatched the winner with his standing leg. Six priceless points he’s won us in his short tenure and I’m predicting there will be more as he strives, with quality, to make an impact in games until his legs fail him.

Benjamin Nygren of Celtic makes a pass during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

NEGAN – 4/10 – He’ll either amaze or be anonymous. Today, Matthew, he chose to make David Copperfield quip, “Where the hell did that bloke go now?”

Yang Hyun-Jun of Celtic making a pass during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

YING – 4/10 – Somebody – yes, Jamesy, obviously you – get this bhoy laid before the run-in. Because I’m fed up with him edging us with promising movement and energy to our ultimate bewilderment as his endeavours bring

no reward.

Alex Gogic of St Mirren battles with Tomas Cvancara of Celtic during the ScottishPremiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

CARAVAN – 4/10 – He HAS to score. Last week. And this week now too. *sigh* I like the way he handles defences, stays mobile and looks to play off the shoulder every time we advance. Could be said his movement in the box, too, is clever – finds space. But the finishing… Damn, we need a finisher. There’s no soft-soaping him: on this knife-edge of the season, score or be damned.

Daizen Maeda of Celtic in action against Celtic during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

LORD KATSUMOTO – 5.5/10 – Nearly Daizen and almost Daizen. But we need definitely Daizen for these final half-dozen games of his Celtic career. There were promising signs today but he faded with many others. Don’t go gentle into that good night, Daizen (…Thomas). Lead the way and rage, rage, against the dying of the light. See what I did there, fans of classic epic Welsh poetry?

SUBS –

Kelechi Iheanacho of Celtic misses from close range during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

Kelechi Iheanacho of Celtic celebrates victory during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

ITCHYCOO PARK – 5.5/10 – Ooft, so close to killing it off. But THAT’S what Keleche’s here for – to be unlucky knowing he’s got the knack for the next one, and not incompetent, fearing he might never score. He’s the only natural born killer we possess up front at this juncture – iirc, Red Star, Braga (cheated), Dundee… – so play him from the start, let him try and kill off games early instead of casting him into the mix more in hope than purpose.

HAKUNA HATATE – N/A – Will Reo be ready for the run-in? Will it take a kick up the backside from Fozzie or a MON arm round the shoulder? At any rate – he’s got the quality in his boots to make a difference and he’s been rested recently. The reckoning is coming.

THE TERMINATOR – N/A – Surprise! Welcome surprise? At this point, aye. Refreshed Engels, Belgian World Cup squad place still a possibility… Play for yourself if not us; we’ll benefit either way.

Luke McCowan of St Celtic in action against Celtic during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – N/A – Luke, it’s Luke – one of the players you know wants it as much as us; in these circumstances, a useful character, and still may have a say in the destination of the title.

Celtic Manager Martin O’Neill reacts during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

FATHER MARTIN AND SAMWISE GANGEE – 6.5/10 – Can understand why he went with near-as-dammit the Dundee starting eleven because the first 45 show at Dens Park was the type of Celtic title-chasing production we expect to witness this time of the season. And for a while yesterday – certainly through the first halfhour – it was shaping as an incoming blitz for the Paisley Narcos.

But, as last week, the second half brought failure across the middle to front and sagging energy levels. Did the boss and SOM (Sean O’Maloney) address it correctly? Half and half. Maybe not early enough or thoroughly enough, and he appeared as puzzled as us why potential champions lost their verve and purpose deep into the game.

Me? Again, I think he made a mistake firing Azteco prematurely. This stage of the season – and THIS Celtic side in particular – need CHARACTERS to get it over the line. Ergo, we need a good fruitcake slice or two laced with madness and fire and volatility in that squad to make it happen.

WATCH Martin O’Neill’s post match interview with Celtic TV below…

WATCH Celtic TV’s UNIQUE ANGLE below…

MIBBERY – 5.5/10 – Very close, young Duncan of the whistle, to being as loathed as his Nicholson namesake on the Celtic board when he decided deep in the game that the advantage rule does not come in to play when the Bhoys are struggling to hold a tenuous lead. However, much as he and his henchmen – including the old stand-side linesman who suffers from some sort of involuntary gimpish stiffening of the flag arm anytime a hooped shirt moves into a dangerous position – tried to subtly bend the interpretations of the laws, they ultimately failed narrowly to impose their Satanic undertaking.

Har-de-har. Again.

Alex Gogic of St Mirren challenges for a header during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

OVERALL – 6/10 – Well, the ceasefire kicked in at last and weapons of mass destruction – holy water and communion wafers – were no longer thrown at the criminally incompetent gimps of the Celtic executive, while the returning self-absorbed terracing edge-lords got their flaming act together at last and attempted to create the best Paradise atmosphere of the year to date…Which will always still be a pale shadow of the classic Jungle roar; if only they knew REAL ferocity…But at least they gave it a go.

Alex Gogic of St Mirren challenges for a header during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

And the team responded. For about half an hour. Then they got anxious and sought a safe space while St.Mirren took the ball and charge of the game with the bemused poise of eunuchs given the keys to a house of disrepute; that is, mercifully, they were impotent and lacked the wits or gallus edge to navigate around our chaste defence.

Green Brigade back at Celtic Park after ban during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

So, not unusually, a tricky contest that you might expect to bring out urgency and desire becomes a teeth-clenching slog to the precious points. But three precious points they are. And if we can match that total for five more games, we’ll not give one jot about the method when the outcome is the title.

So onwards it is, and upwards it has to be, because there’s no lower they can go in terms of performance IF this team truly wants to be hailed as champions.

Green Brigade back at Celtic Park after ban during the Scottish Premiership between Celtic and St. Mirren at Celtic Park on April 11, 2026. (Photo by WM Sport Media/Getty Images)

Go Away Now

Sandman

Watch Martin O’Neill post match Media Conference below…

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Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v The Glanton Gang

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v THE GLANTON GANG…

WATCH Callum McGregor and Alex Oxlade Chamberlain’s post match interview with Celtic TV below…

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